I'm sorry that you are going through this tough time, and you are right she would not want you to go out like that. She wants you to live a full and prosperous life, make her proud; she will be smiling at you from above.

I lost my grandmother when I was 18 and I lost my Dad when I was 25. It's hard losing people that we look up to and love so much. I find comfort in believing that they are still with me, protecting me, guardian angels perhaps. I also find comfort in a couple of my Dads possessions his Bible in particular because I know how much it meant to him and how much time he spent reading it. I don't know in a strange way it makes me feel closer to him reading the same words he read, and to read his notes is like hearing him talk. I also find comfort in the music that each of them loved. Just about every person I love has a song that reminds me of them and I'll always take comfort in those songs.

I know you must think I'm strange, but it's how I cope, and you'll find your way. Maybe there is something special of your grandmothers that you can have.

Still talk to her, it will make you feel better; you never know she could be listening.

The whole funeral thing is very awkward but I guess it's the only way us humans know how to say goodbye and show our respect.

Take care of yourself and stay strong, you'll be okay.