I've been with this man for 30+ yrs. At firt he was very good to me. He was there when I was pregnant and whenever I had to go to the hospital. He has saved my life on 2 occasions. Since we've been married he has beaten me with his fists, a bat, hammers and a loaded gun.

You may ask why do I stay. I have left him 30+ times and he always suffers some illness. Now, he has cancer and I'm afraid to leave. I should be afraid to stay and I am but I'm more afraid to leave. I think no job is worth the abuse. He has kicked me called me every name he can think of and threathened my family. Fortunately, we have no children. I've had to stay home because he wouldn't let me go to work. I feel like a failure for accepting the abuse. He says I shouldn't have hit him, true. I hit him 33 yrs ago and since we've been married I've been abused so many times. Nothing I do is right. He must pay me back for not talking to him or as he says b.s.ing him. I've been to shelters and he knows all the shelters in this state. He knows where my family lives and he has family that will be glad to kill me or my family.

Most of the time, my life is so bad that I just want to end it but then I think, if I can just survive until he dies, I'll be ok. He hates everyone and everything every where. I don't know what to do anymore.