((radio_flyer))

Your posts caught my attention. I feel like we may have some similar approaches to life, and I love that you want to understand, ask 'why', and do whatever you can for yourself.

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But what is that "something"? That is what I need to know. What is that "something" I didn't get and needed. If I knew what it was, maybe I could somehow get it myself and fix it?

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I often asked myself 'what is wrong with me?' or 'what is broken?' I've done the best I could do in my life, but there was always a background feeling that part of me needed fixing.

Long story, short, one day I picked up a book on Attachment Theory. I was floored. That was it -- after months of reading and researching and looking I found something that made sense. I brought the book into my T, and he was a little surprised, but in a positive way. We both agreed that I had early childhood attachment issues, and since then have been working on intimacy.

There is still work to do, but understanding what was happening and why made a huge difference to me. The fact that I found it myself seemed to help me accept it easier than if my T had suggested it.

If you're interested, think about your earliest childhood memory, write it down, and then go read about the different types of attachment.

And, (forgive me if I'm reading too much of myself into your post), forgive yourself. Realize you've done everything you can with the tools you had.


Owl