such a stigma behind clergy and religious abuse, that somehow the religion justifies it, the pressure for that abuse to be silenced, no one to talk to about it, and I make everyone close to me who knows pretend it never happened. flood gate opened on my tears and my memories, and I need my boyfriend to hold me tight but he's in hospital and I don't even know if he'll make it, I'm sucha sook. people don't understand and I sit here crying, hoping that he'll make it and wishing the memories would go away.