just needing him right now, I belittle it so much, but I can't belittle it any longer and it's all coming back, all flooding back how can I be strong when I don't even know if he's gonna make it, when the kids are crying, my friends are staring at me, there's reminders everywhere and they don't understand, no where to turn. couldn't the flashbacks wait for a day when I had him to hold me? hate being sucha sook but I can't old it together tonight when I feel so silenced irl and alone.