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She [the mother] provides it without the little one verbalizing what it wants.That attunement that level of attachment is what we often seek from our therapists but the time for that is past.

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I think I agree with you here.
I don't think I really want this level of attunement from my T. Then again maybe I did, but just don't want to admit it to myself.

I wrote earlier this week about comforting my son this past weekend when he was feeling exhausted and sad. He had hidden from me, but I had detected his sadness earlier, and when he was missing from the campfire, I went looking for him. Maybe when I wrote my T after my last session I was unrealistically seeking mothering and not realizing it. I don't think I really wanted direct comforting, I think I just wanted someone out there to know I was feeling sad. I didn't I really want a mother-like level of attunement (i.e. my T to come looking for me). I just wanted a reply that said, "I hear ya."

Was that wrong? Should I be looking to someone to provide this...I don't know...commiseration? Should I even be looking outside of myself at all?

Today I kind of have mixed feelings about my asking for support last week. I've realized that I am not as independent and unflappable as I think I am. I think I am really struggling with learning the finer boundaries and rules attachment and dependence. The fact that I don't know these things leaves me with negative feeling about myself. I'm not sure if my desire for comforting or at least acknowledgment from my T is appropriate or not. I'm not sure yet if I am willing to risk finding out. On the positive side, I learned that I can endure humiliation and survive. That other get confused like this too. Also I know that just because don't seek comforting and support very well myself, I can be attuned and provide support to my kids, I hopefully encouraging them not to hide when they are sad.

I've realized that I still don't communicate what I want very well. This time I thought I was being clear, but wasn't. And I still continue to use a medium that feels comfortable but doesn't work (e-mail) . I've also learned yet again that the people on PC can be very supportive as I work through my mental ramblings.