I just want to scream, I can barely stand it. Have been talking with my brother on yahoo this morning, and while I know he is try to help, I don't think he quite gets it. Don't wait on the State he says, yeah well I can't work I don't have much choice in the matter. Go out and get new cloths, and how do i do that on 400 a month? when my bills are over 1000 a month? ugh... I just want to cry, I feel so damn low right now I can't believe it.

I never asked for this, I don't want it, I don't need it. Go out and socialize he says, where? with who? I have no friends here, and those people that see me look the other way. I feel like one of the forgotten, god He does not even stop by for a visit just to see how things are going, while logicly I know it is not ttrue, I feel he is like the rest. He doesn't want to be around me, bacuse of the way I am. As my dad says I am not fun to be arouund.

Everything is going down the drain and he says I need to think positive. I have to have good self - talk, yeah well things are going down the drain and the harder I sttruggle and fight to pull myself back up it only gettings worse. Something else comes around and slaps me so dang hard , but then again I love the pain don't you know.

Is there no end to it, I just want to cry. I just want to disappear.