Hey Hcab-Tep,
I can truly understand your current frustrations! I also have worked within the 'field' and have spent many dread filled days unable to treat my own mental illnesses. It took me months before I was able to contact a psychiatrist for assistance. (And when the referral was made it was through an ER visit that a consult was requested by my PCP). Anyway, evan when I knew all too well how out of control my depression was becoming it was difficult to reach out for help. Not to mention the 'failure' aspect we use to punish ourselves. The 'if I can't treat this then no one can' attitude tends to lead us down a path of self destruction, so at least pat yourself on the back for admitting you are in need of assistance!
Currently I am experiencing another bout with recurrent depression along with a dx of anxiety and PTSD. It has been extremely difficult for me to lay down the arms of self preservation and allow myself to be treated/counseled by a peer. Evan therapist (being people ourselves) need therapy sometimes and we are often our own worst clients/patients. (just look at is as a peer-to-peer consult...lol)
Don't be so hard on yourself, you're not the first professional who has or will ever need help from others! It's often those of us who do not ask for help who end up burning out and leaving the profession. So take a little time for yourself, allow yourself to heal, and believe you can work to be a better therapist through learning from your own/personal battle with MI...just a thought....Alonian