Oh, thanks Cedar. I don't know where you came from, but welcome to my world.

You think I'm putting myself down? Really? You get that from my few posts? Well, let me say something; you are right. One interesting thing that transpired in my first session was the image of the Michelin Man, all puffed up with cheerfulness and capability, but essentially full of hot air. The therapist didn't mean it in a derogatory way, nor did I take it that way, but it has made an impression.

I also realised that I am super sensitive to criticism, which I guess I had just forgotten in my puffed up state. I feel that I've been a bad person and that no one could like me, not really, not if they knew what I was really like. Oh crap. I had forgotten this completely! Isn't that hilarious. How is it possible to forget this, to have a totally different reality in which to exist. I am ashamed to even admit it. Even here where I am anonymous.

Here's something yucky: I think I am still looking for an ideal parent! Yucky because it's so obvious to me, suddenly.

What happens? Is realising something half the battle? What's the other half?

Is it really possible to combine all the different parts of oneself? The parts that are barely on speaking terms? The sweet, vulnerable, playful parts and the hardass capable parts and the self-hating parts, and the pathetic parts and on and on and on.

I am my own possible child.