Hello, Inner,
I started typing a reply to this thread and your question yesterday, but chose to delete it. It's a hard subject for me. Even as I type, I'm not sure I'll finish this.
Being an educator, and having a lot of time under my belt, having raised a daughter with whom I've always had a loving relationship, I recognize that there are healthy ways in which to grow up, to raise children who have their self-esteem intact, and then there are those like me, who was raised in an atmosphere of fear and abuse, both physical and emotional. A counselor once asked me, "How do you think this affects you, the abuse you endured?" I said I didn't know. He answered, "It makes you anxious." That was way back when...in my early 30's. I'm age 57 now, and I still struggle with social anxiety, though I have managed to be independent, self-supportive financially, and even achieve my M.A. degree this past spring. All this is a struggle for me, even now. All the demands on me are exhausting, which wouldn't be for the "normal" person. I manage to work, and most say even do a good job, to be gracious and pleasant in social situations, to attend classes and give productive input, but when I come home, all I can do is collapse and seclude myself.
In short, I think one's upbringing has a lot to do with how one matures, develops confidence socially, and moves freely. Some of us have a much harder time.
Patty