Basically, I'm looking for that feeling of not being the only one.

I keep screwing up at work and I feel that I'm going to be fired at any second now (even though I'm unionized). For the record, I've had six jobs in my life (including my current one) and I have been fired from three of them (the first three) and almost fired from my current one when I started working here five years ago, but my former boss (who has since left the company) gave me a second chance.

Here's the thing... I work with people, in very close proximity. Not my co-workers (I actually don't work with them directly), but the company's clients. Generally, I'm really friendly, but depending on my mood (which can swing quite violently within one day) I can be calm and quiet, impatient and rude, inattentive and distracted or super-hyper and talkative (I'm not bi-polar for the record. Sometimes I just get into those moods).

The problem is that I've been getting a lot complaints from clients (my boss receives them and relates them to me). They've said (rightfully, most of the time) that I belittle them, that I'm impatient, that I talk too fast or they just don't 'click' with me.

Today, my boss told me about some new complaints. I kept my composure in front of him, but I felt so humiliated and embarassed. I spent the entire afternoon crying and debating whether I should quit or not, or even take more drastic measures... (you know what they are).

When I came home from work I went straight to bed, leaving my purse and bags in the car, I didn't care if anyone broke into it and stole anything), and cried myself to sleep. I slept for a good two hours. I feel a little better now, meaning I don't feel like 'off-ing' myself, but the shame and sense of failure is still there.

I'm not in therapy currently (I'm on a waiting list) and I don't have any professionals to talk to.

I don't want to leave my job because I'm going back to school full-time and I love my company's highly flexible hours, plus I've worked my way up to a fairly decent salary that I wouldn't get at another entry-level position.

I feel like such a failure. Why do I keep screwing up like this? I don't seem to be able to deal with people. Like they're repulsed by me and can't stand to be around me. The additional problem is that many of our clients are 'big-wigs' in town (in the business world) and I feel like I'm going to get a negative reputation that could hurt me down the line (even though my future career is not in business). I've even avoided many of their businesses because I'm ashamed of myself.

I'm not going to talk to my boss about my problems because I really don't trust him, plus he couldn't disclose my depression to the clients to explain my behavior anyway.

So my questions to you are:

Do any of you struggle with work?

Has your condition caused you to lose your job?

Do you feel like you are destined not to be a people-person because you can't control your mood?