its impossible to hurt the people that hurt me first....i cant just attack them for calling me a name or....saying stuff behind my back...and thats frustrating...it makes me wanna take it out on me...because maybe in the end, im the issue...not them....i feel like someone needs to be punished and if i cant punish them, then ill punish me and at least someone will pay for the mistakes either of us has caused.

when i hurt someones feelings, i feel i need to be punished....and my way of wanting to is to cut.... however ive never cut before, but i suppose i imagine myself cutting and it releases all that pain ive dealt with...its a hard and long process to get over the feeling of guilt.... and it takes me a few days to fully recover....