Hello everyone...how is everyone?
I am not soooo good. I am on vacation with my mom's side of the family. There are about 32 of us or so. Don't get me wrong I love my family and nothing like this has ever happened to me with my family before.
What set it off was Thursday night, one of my aunts made a comment that I was all scratched up and that I still must of had a cat. My other aunt chimed in and said I had a dog. This is what sent me off the wall. From then on I have stayed away from most everyone of my family. It's bad enough I have to stay in the same hotel room as my mom and step-dad. It's my mom's 60th B-Day and we are all together to celebrate. So am trying not to bring any attention to myself. I have just stayed far away from everyone, just going off by myself, or sitting outside.
Well I have been taking klonopin for anxiety and I am supposed to take 2 a day, well yesterday I ended up taking 5 of them. It didn't help at all, so I cut myself. I held it as long as I could but I just couldn't stand it anymore. When no one was in the room of the hotel, I got my chance to just let it out. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful I felt and was able to finally relax. I had a few aunts come up to me and ask if I was ok. but just started crying. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and I am not one to let my feeling show.
I just wondering what am I supposed to do for the rest of vacation. It's still really early in the morning and have only seen my mom. I am sure she is upset with me because I brought this on myself, so she says. Maybe that's true, but I am not doing it intentionally.
Well, thanks for listening and sorry it is so long.