I am dealing with a lot but the worst thing im dealing with is myself. I keep punishing myself for things that i did not do. My T says Im trying to get her to kick me out maybe she's right but not sure. I take pills all the time I cut again for the first time in years. I am not eating right. I have even resorted to stealing pain pills from friends bathrooms (what the hell). Last night I pierced another hole in my ear because this form of self abuse is ok. My T says I have to tell doc about all of this and Im scared. Why cause he will take the nerve meds away and i think ill fall apart. I don't know what im doing.