Growing up I was the athlete, a dancer, a swimmer, and in highschool a volleyball player. I was also told all the time by my mother how fat i was...... she not only verbally abused me but physically as well. The ridicule from my mother led me to comfort myself by eating, and well my self esteem plundered. I met a guy when i was 15, and we were together for almost 5 years. Throughout the relationship I was working and going to school + supporting him when we moved out on our own only to also find out he was doing crack and lying to me constantly. This also led me to eat more and make me believe i wasnt worth any better. I Stayed with him as long as I could, but eventually it was just too much and i left him.The last 6 months I was with him, i kept myself if denial by keeping myself busy and dedicating my time to my weightloss. I lost 40lbs. I sometimes think that helped me get the confidence to leave Shawn, but who knows. Im now with a wonderful guy, who treats me great, but unfortunently he has low libido, which if some of you dont know is no sexual drive. Of course the sex life was great when we first got together, and of course everyone gets comfy (our 2 yrs is next week) but now well yeah i have to beg for it 2 times a week. Let me get this out there, im not worried hes cheating. We're together almost constantly, besides his work, he just moved in, he treats me great. He has told me that his lack of sexual drive has caused problems in past relationships, but he refuses to talk to a doctor about it. (hes only 23) I guess I should be greatful, i mean ive found a guy who isnt with me just for sex, but for me. Anyhow, back to it, I havent really put back on any of my weight since we've been together, maybe lost a lil tonage but big deal. His lack of sex drive, and denial has my self esteem at an all time low. I wont leave him, I love him, but i need to figure out a way to accept this. i have literally cried in his arms about this and he sits there trying to reassure me its not me, that i am beautiful. I know it makes him feel like %#@&#! seeing me crying and knowing his low libido is causing it, i can see it in his eyes, plus hes opened up to me about it. I need to find away to like myself again........


i forgot add ..... I have done semi decent for myself. Mom kicked me out after graduation bcause she hated my ex. (we have since made ammends) Im putting myself through school, and am renting a lil farmhouse which i love. Its just this damn self image