It sounds like you are testing your T to see if he really means what he says. Are you hoping that the erotic transference is enough to make him let you slide on the SI contract? If he is any good, he will not allow you to stay when you tell him that you SI'd over the limit that the two of you agreed on. If he lets you stay, then the whole contract has been meaningless. As a therapist yourself, you must realize this. Boundaries and consistency are important. How could you trust him if he let you slide? At some point, you chose to SI more than your alotted number, so in effect, you chose the consequences. If he lets you stay, he is basically telling you that there are no consequences in place, which inevitably means you aren't really safe because he doesn't mean what he says.