I found out this morning that my defacto husband has been cheating on me for the past 4 months.

This is not the first time. He cheated on me once before about 5 years ago. He begged for me not to leave him, we had counselling etc, and I thought everything was back ontrack.

Now this bombshell! I'd actually been suspicious because he'd been "working back" quite a lot, and "going for drives" etc. Then, his visa statement came in, and I saw a florist was mentioned on it. I hadn't received any flowers lately, so knew they weren't for me.

Then, this morning, he left his mobile phone on. And normally, I try and resist the urge to go through his phone, invasion of privacy and all that, but, because of the statement, I just HAD to know.

I noticed he'd called the same girl several times just yesterday. Suddenly I felt sick and felt like we hadn't gotten anywhere in the past 5 years.

I kept quiet about it while i drove him to work, but then the depression set in, and when he called me later just for a chat, I decided to call his bluff and tell him that I knew he was cheating on me and that I'd called her. At first he attempted to deny it (just like he did the previous time) but I kept firm and told him that if he had ANY love for me, and any shred of dignity, to PLEASE be honest with me. This worked and he confessed.

She's a recently divorced woman who apparently knows all about me! That hurts even more because it means two people were involved in the deception. I'd much rather it if the girl was innocent as well.

Anyway, he's doing the guilt trip on me. I ask him how what he will do about the rent etc when I leave, and he tells me he doesn't know. He's begging me not to go, without actually saying a word. It's so hard to remain strong.

I know for a fact that if I stayed with him now, I'd never trust him again. Every time he left the house I'd wonder... whenever he was on the phone I'd wonder...

I believe him when he tells me he loves me. But it's obviously not enough for him. I just can't understand why he can't just keep it in his pants! What more could i possibly do for him to make him NOT stray??? I cook, clean, get his clothes ready for work, drive him too and from work, pay the rent, pay the bills, feed the animals... you catch my drift. I'm not a glamour, but I'm attractive... I'm just completely lost!