</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
StingInTheTail said:
I think there's something to the theory that we try to re-create our families in our adulthood, that we are drawn to people we feel instinctively will 'fix' the perceived wrongs of the past. So we end up in relationships that somehow are supposed to heal us.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">My T has a different theory, and maybe it might fit for you or not. And that is that our adult relationships recapitulate our dysfunctional childhood relationships, as we seek over and over again to experience the same thing but to "do it right." In this model, I chose my marriage to someone like my H (very selfish, abusive, etc.) to try to overcome childhood wrongs. This fits for me. That is why my divorce is so important. At last I am saying no, enough, I do not want a relationship like this, and moving toward to health. When I am done with this marriage, I will have helped myself with a lot of my problems from childhood too (it's all interrelated). At last I will have got it right and exercised the power as an adult to say no and exit the relationship, something I couldn't do when I was a child. There is something very healing about that.

StingInTheTail, you talk about knowing where your issues stem from. For me, knowing something rationally/cognitively doesn't really promote healing. I could think all the stuff I wanted, but I needed to get to my emotions and feelings to really deal with this. At least that is how it is for me. A therapist can help you with this.