Angela, It is very brave of you to share this. It is great that you can explain and understand the feelings. I am sorry you had this trauma. You are very safe now, you are very loved. Please think about something for me okay?
What adults do, having sex with others outside of marriage has so totally nothing to do with their children. Maybe Mom was looking for comfort? Maybe she was seeking a way out of her feelings. Regardless my friend I would like you to think about her parenting of you prior to your learning in such a tramatic way about her affair. Was she a safe parent? Did she nurture you? Did you feel protected? That is what is important. Yes, people have moral ideals and for many an extra marital affair is a deep deep sin. To me, it is sex, period, plain and simple. It's up to the adults to figure it out in their own relationships. It's not that I believe that married folks should go sleeping around but it's just not black and white. You were, (I remember I think,) raised in a very religious culture. If this is true, I am sure you heard soceital taboos against extra marital sex. Your mother's affair didn't change who she was or who she is to you. Look at the big picture Sweetcrusader. What you find in the big picture will be your truth. You are loved, you are brave, you are wise, you are kind, you are compassionate, you are safe. And you are such a remarkable young woman!!!!!!!!