All I know is that about a year ago I was completely in love with life and had so many plans. I was super organized kept track of everything. May have been mania? Now I have panic attacks everyday. The other night downed a bottle of Nyquil just to sleep because I didn't want to exist - but I didn't want to die. Everything feels hopeless and my mood changes at the drop of a hat. It doesn't matter who you are, I will snap at you or start to cry if you say the wrong thing. I'm only 22 and shouldn't be this screwed up already. I don't know if it's bipolar, but it sure seems like it. I didn't try it for attention, but did slice my arm up the other night and my manager at work knew what the ace bandage was for. She wants me to go talk to someone and get on meds. Honestly, I feel like meds are the only thing that could regulate me because I feel so out of control. I just don't know if it's something that will pass over. After I hit rock bottom w/ the knife, I felt SO ok the next day. Now I'm just sitting in my bed crying wondering whether or not I actually WILL wake up tomorrow, or if I will just stay in bed all day like I did last Sunday.

I just don't know how I let it get this bad. I used to handle things so much better. I don't know if it's just something that needs to pass and then it will be ok, or if I should seriously do something about it. Anyone else feel like this?