I'm not sure paranoid is the right word to use here, but I don't know a word that describes this feeling.

Last evening I went to an event where there were a couple hundred people, most of whom know me, at least by name and on sight.

And walking in I realized that I always have this feeling going into a group setting -- that these people really don't like me, that they will greet me happily, but they really don't like me.

I have a strong sense that they kind of put up with me. They smile, say nice things, and compliment me. But it's easy to see that they really don't want a response to their questions. They are looking around to see who else they should be talking with. They change the subject from what their question was about.

And when the chance comes, they're off to speak with someone else. So, it's no wonder that I feel like I'm really not liked.

Maybe I've worked at distancing myself for so long that I've given all of these people the wrong signal (lol, or the right signal). I have no friends to speak of. Some might say that we're friends, but we do none of the things that real friends trend towards.

I recognize that my ptsd might be at work here and that all of this is misperception rather fact.

Either way, all of it just makes me reluctant to engage with a group where I'm pretty sure that I'm disliked and unwanted. Have you had experience like this? Do you think it's me or the ptsd thinking?