Ugh, I'm totally having an urge to SI.

I haven't done it in many, many, many years. But as my other "coping" mechanisms fall away, the urge is coming back.

I used to do it years and years ago. Then I discovered my eating d/o and used that instead. And then I discovered alcohol/drugs and used those instead.

I gave up drinking a few years ago, and the eating d/o came back. Now I'm giving up the eating d/o and the SI urge is back. It's like I'm working my way backwards through my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I'm under a lot of stress right now - very, very stressful event coming up in my life tomorrow. Almost feels like it will be more than I can deal with, but it's happening and there's no getting around it.

I took 1/2 of a xanax, and e-mailed my T, who has no idea that I used SI in the past.

I guess I'm just going to try to make it through today.

Ugh. Just wanted to vent to people who would understand