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skeksi said:

I'm not trying to be confrontational; I'm figuring out how to manage my self-harm as well. But if you agree that if you go over X number you won't get your session, and then you do get your session, then what's the point of setting a number at all? If it's about how you are trying to connect, then why not measure that, instead?

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The number was really insignifcant and random-- I literally just yelled out a random number when we decided on the "deal."

As far as the connection, I don't believe that is quantifiable. It can only be measured by self-report-- by me explaining, in terms of the connection, what I did, or didn't do... how much I could, or couldn't...

I think that the important thing is that the deal served a very significant purpose so far-- I stopped SI'ing for five weeks, starting the day that we made it. I SI'ed last week because I became very depressed and the connection was slipping. I think that after five weeks of not SI'ing even once (and there was nothing in our contract that said I was supposed to stop completely), that my slip-ups were handled very effectively in yesterday's session.