lenny... thank you. i read your posts too, you have a way of putting things so that i really get moved. i know that because i am now.

i may know what is best for me, i may know what i want, but the line has begun to blur. my family, my boyfriend, everybody is already expecting me to be ready for school by september. i've "setbacked" enough already, i can't afford to go to treatment that doesn't help me anyway anymore.

i desperately want to go to psychotherapy, and i keep bugging my psych nurse about it, and she keeps telling me its not for me, i'm too psychotic, iit might not suit me at all. but i'll keep bugging anyway, maybe if i bug long enough she'll let me see my pdoc and as kher.

i don't know. maybe i want to please others. maybe i want to please myself. i just don't know whether it is right or wrong.