I don't know who abused you nowheretorun or how. You have been around here quite a bit longer than me and I'm sure you know the mechanisms for shutting it down,,,there is a great staff here that understands these issues.
It is good to remember that this forum attracts folks (like me) with mental/emotional health issues. We arrive here upon a continuum and are learning to manage our pain. Sometimes we fail and that can hurt others IRL and here.
I'm sorry you have experienced some failure...we all will.
With care,
Lenny