I want to recover but I keep running. It is so hard for me to feel it is so unnatural. I was not allowed to cry with my family or my X. This is really hard sometimes the pain is overwhelming and the coping skills that I have are all distructive. I keep moving listening to music etc. My T is getting frustrated with me and to be honest I don't blame her maybe i'm not ready I don't know but if I keep running I will die because I can't keeep doing what I'm doing.