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pachyderm said:
I guess what he does reminds me of one thing my mother used to do

For me when I was small (I guess I am not any more) it seemed life-threatening to challenge her in any way -- she thought she was being challenged/threatened even when she was not.

I actually am learning in spite of, and maybe because of, this problem. I learn to understand, I think, why he does what he does and why it has the effect on me that it does. I learn to work it out on my own.

But in the bad times it is very frightening for me to have my mind stalled and he does not do anything to reassure me.

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Wow, Pachy, you are self-aware! I think that self-awareness is so important too.