(((((((Nowheretoturn, Christina, Bigmac))))))))))

thanks all for the replies and for caring about me even when I can't.
I'm dry today - have to be with the osteopatic appointment from earlier or i will be in sooooo much pain. I did not manage to report my drinking to anyone other than here.

Today I also saw my case worker (who specializes in D/A) but we were chatting in the lobby and so all my tempted things to tell her - that i'm drinking, that I wanted to quit all appointments) were stricken. Instead we talked about stress and how to deal with it.

I came THIS close to telling the DO (osteopath) that I have fallen back into poor coping skills... but it never came forth. I don't think I can tell MD at all(I see her monday) - though I did mark it on the chart I have to track for her. I don't think she looks that closely. So it' not *really* lying - it's there... if she doesn't see it.... oh well. I don't want her to know about it- i think she'd throw a fit.

So i guess.... i do want to stop, but i don't want my 3 drs to know about it and think less of me for it. i want to stop on my own.... now i have to get the alters to also want to stop. my sense is that she won't until the bottles are empty - one already is, and she's making fairly good track on the 2nd.
anyway, thanks for letting me rant.