So right Miss Charlotte, a parent or a t need to be both consistant and flexible, which can sound like opposites. My t lets me know that she feels that SI is unacceptable, but also knows that I will probably slip up, just like everyone else. I would hate to think that one slip up would cause me to be kicked out. I think every situation is different and the reasons and circumstances need to be explored. Knowing that my t would be disappointed has kept me from SI at times, but I know that if I did mess up she wouldn't abandon me.