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complic8d said:
So right Miss Charlotte, a parent or a t need to be both consistant and flexible, which can sound like opposites. My t lets me know that she feels that SI is unacceptable, but also knows that I will probably slip up, just like everyone else. I would hate to think that one slip up would cause me to be kicked out. I think every situation is different and the reasons and circumstances need to be explored. Knowing that my t would be disappointed has kept me from SI at times, but I know that if I did mess up she wouldn't abandon me.


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I disagree. What's the point then of the contract? She's not a child, he's not a parent imposing punishment. They contracted together to set a limit on SI for her benefit, and then he didn't follow through with the agreed upon consequences. Now she knows she can go over the limit and nothing will happen. It's not abandonment to have consequences enforced. There's always next session to talk about sex with H and erotic transference. The original contract apparently meant nothing, just words. It's about being accountable for the choices you make, and having a contract with T is a powerful tool to help deter you from behaviors that are harmful to you. You don't have to make a contract if you don't like the terms. I don't think T meant it to be a threat ie. if you cut 36 times you will have to skip a session. She even picked the number!