It takes a long time to grieve the loss of a marriage. Give yourself time and space to grieve, and don't push the grief away. Twenty-one years is a long time, so of course you are hurt and sad, no matter the cause of the break. I keep thinking I am over my marriage (I have been separated 9 months and am working on the divorce), but then more sadness will come. It is less frequent than a year or two ago.

Yes, monofrabi, you deserve a relationship where you are loved and respected!

Take care. And welcome to PC!