The scary guy (J.T.) came back last night. Jonny and Jonathan told me they got rid of him before, but he came back again. They fought him back down again, but I guess it was really hard.

He hurt me before they came front. I haven't told anyone yet and I don't think I will. That's how I knew he was there, even before he opened his eyes. We had been holding hands and then he started squeezing my hand really hard. REALLY hard, so I could feel bone grinding on bone. Then he looked at me and I knew it was him and he wouldn't let go of my hand. I wasn't going to let him know it hurt, though. Still hurts today...

They need to take care of each other and I don't want them getting distracted and wasting their energy trying to protect me. Jon needs them, they need each other. I just want him all to be safe. I'm not mad. I know that wasn't the man I love, or at least none of the identities I know and love.

He's getting kicked out of his apartment. Or more specifically, his unemployment has run out, he hasn't found a full-time job yet and he's already behind on his rent and the court date for eviction is next week. He's been looking for work for the last four months - resumes, interviews, all that, every week, just about every day. There just isn't much of anything out there right now round here. So he's getting ready to pack his stuff so he can move out.

Last night he panicked. I think that's why the scary guy came back. Jonny told me that J.T. was a..."fear construct"? Not a regular identity, but some kind of fragment that splits off when he panics.

He's gonna be OK! He'll just come stay with me until he gets himself back on his feet. We already agreed on that. I KNOW this is hard and there's all sorts of things still going wrong. I believe in him and I support him in what he's doing, but we knew this might happen. Lots of wreckage after a decade or two of drinking your life away. I know that - I had a lot of repair to do when I quit, and it took a long time to fix the damage. Now he's going through the same thing...Recovery /sobriety can really suck sometimes, and that's where he is right now.

Is there anything else I could do to help? Am I helping? What if that J.T. guy comes back and I have to hurt him? I'm scared for him. What do you guys do to be OK when life keeps throwing crap at you?