Desertnurse, and Gordian...
It exhausts me to think of what people must go thru for the sake of keeping a marriage together. I'm divorced 11 years now ,after a 20 year unhappy marriage. We were ill-matched from the start, truly. I stayed, the entire time, because we had a daughter, whom he said he would take away from me and kick me out into the street with "nothing" and nowhere to go if I tried to leave. I was so intimidated, believing him, I stayed till she left for college. When she was young, I had no opportunity for employment, with my Art training and living in rural Va. Eventually, though, and all the while planning to be self-sufficient, I achieved my teaching certificate and got employment.
Now, looking back, I think I had more rights than I perceived at the time, and I could have gained my freedom much earlier.
I don't think even the presence of children should prevent one from making changes toward happiness. Children are deeply affected by living in an unhappy environment.
Patty