Maybe it'd be easier to just clam up. If they don't give a s* about what I'm saying, why even try. New groups, pretty much the same. I must have some bearing or inflection in my voice that tells them to avoid me, ignore what he's saying, don't even answer.

When people are engaged, their remarks are all just the opposite, comments of admiration, asking advice, and so on. I'm doing something to turn them off in the next instant.

Similar things again today. Kinda adds to the weight of all of this and makes me want to just withdraw farther.

I know I can charm people if I work at it, but I always see it as an effort and as manipulation because when I turn off the extra energy, we're right back where we started - ignored.

Maybe my new friends should be me, myself, and I -- what am I saying, I don't have any now... and that seems right.