Hello all,

and thank you for all the support

The last years I actually have been considering just stop being polite and "disapear", as in not doing anything to stay in touch. But. Their kids are nice, and I know them all so very well. I would like to stay in touch with them. But I have decided that from now on I will stay directly in touch with them and just skip the grown ups. In these cell phone ages practically all of them have their own cell, so that is easy enough I can't remember last time any of my siblings called me, so why would I call them? It's funny though, I used to think of us as a nicely connected family, but I guess we are just all too different.

My mother is the only one calling now and then, but I'd rather she didn't... she is maybe the one that bothers me most. We have never been getting along very well, but somehow she seems to think that I cannot manage without her. But every time I talk to her she manages to hurt me. She always ask a lot of questions of how I am and what I have been doing, and then she is not giving me the time to answer the questions. She is always rambling on about her whereabouts and the rest of the family. I have to weigh my words carefully, otherwise she thinks I am sking her to do something for me, or give me money or something. Honestly, I have been asking her twice in my whole life to help me out financially, and that was now recently... and pointless. When it comes to doing something for me, I cant remember when I last asked her about that. Its a while since I stopped. Pointless too. I asked her recently if she could help us out with paying for some paint when we bought a place. After all, she has been pushing and pushing to get us out of the place we are in now, but we havent been able to afford anything else. After explaining her that she didn't have to pay right away, she said she could buy a tiny bit of paint. Then last time I talked to her they said that when our house was readily renovated she and her boyfriend would come visit, but this time we had to pay all their food otherwise they couldn't afford going.

Sadly I was too polite to blurt out that we can't afford having visitors with all this renovation going on.... at least if she doesn't work for her food! I wouldn't mind if someone from my own family could help us out a bit if they come over to visit. I offered to pay my brothers trip to here if he could help us a bit with the renovation. He is a former carpenter, and has been working with carpenting for more thean ten years, so that would have been very good. I know that he never has money though, so he could never afford going here without me paying. I had earlier asked my mother if she could help a bit on the plain ticket (second time I asked), he is her favourite child and he ios the only person she is helping out financially. Didn't take very long before she called and announced that my brother couldn't afford going over now, so we would have to wait with that untill at least summer.

Well, too bad, because then we have to use the money for the plainticket to pay for a carpenter here instead. I dunno what she has said to my brother, but he hasn't really been in touch with me the last weeks, sometimes I wonder if he is avoiding me... though he was the only one saying happy birthday to my daughter. Even though we actually spent more money than we could afford, and saved up holiday, to go up to him for a week when he was going to court to get custody for his child. We spent most of the time in a plain, bus, train or car, for two days of waiting outside the courtroom and me witnessing for 25 minutes. Somehow my mother expected us to be there just like that, as if we are rich. It's a long travel with a child of two years.... the Netherlands to Lofoten in Norway. It's just as far as from Canada to Florida, or something like that. Oh well.

I don't know. My mother has always been saying negatives things to me and my family about me, maybe thats why I'm pushed a bit on the side. When I was alone and pregant, and hardly had money to buy enough food, I got pelvic problems, I had to nag and nag to get help from my oldest brother who lived 15 minutes walk away (always so busy you see). I was 50% invalide of the pain, and it was cold winter in Norway. My doctor said I had to get myself a proper chair, otherwise I would risk making it worse. I called my mother and told her what the doctor said, where she immediately said that she was broke (before I had asked her about anything). I happen to know her income, and she must be spending quite a lot to manage to get completely broke, but thats another story. After that she continued with that I should use honey on my porridge in the morning becaus ethat was good for me that was pregnant ("and not just rolled oak with raisins and water, duh... thats baaad"). Forgetting that the only reason I ate porridge was that I could not afford anything else (honey cost a fortune in Norway)..


Blablablablablabla... I know this is totally boring, but sometimes I just need to get it out of my system.

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