I actually did have some red flags go up about Monday's T visit. Her desk looked like ground zero. A complete disaster. My first thoughts when I went into her office were:

1. I don't think I can take this
2. chaos on the outside reflects chaos on the inside
3. way too distracting

I didn't like that she lost track of time and let our meeting go on for 2 hours. I didn't mind it while I was there until the end. Then I was screaming inside to be let out of the office (of course I didn't say anything to her).

I also didn't like that she would talk about an issue and tell me how she had the same kinds of problems herself. Whaaatttt?

So I decided to definitely go to see the 'therapist of the day'", Susan. I really didn't have any hope for it to work out. When I first saw her I was uneasy because she's tall and thin, very thin. And she talks so slow and soft. I got past the outside image and concentrated on what she was actually saying. I could be honest with her. I wasn't completely up front about things with the other therapists I saw but I felt like I could tell her about the real me.

I also liked that once she found out that I liked to do artwork, that she handed me some colored pencils and let me draw while we talked. That took away a lot of the stress and I was able to talk more freely.

She also gave me her direct line at work, her cell # and her email address. She said that I could call her before our appointment next week if I needed to.

We talked about using DBT skills again. She sent me home with a nice organized folder of the skills. Her office, by the way, was very organized, but still friendly and comfortable. I like that she has her ducks in a row. She also has a weekly DBT group. I could go to that if I wanted to.

I have 3 homework assignments from Susan:

1. work on my art by myself for at least 15 minutes (or whatever I can tolerate)
2. listen to music by myself for at least 15 minutes (or whatever I can tolerate)
3. plan on going to a matinée movie with a friend (I don't actually have to go this week, I just have to start planning it)

The reason I got these assignments is because I have a fear that my husband does not want me to do things without him (except work).

Again, no red flags have gone up, but I'll sleep on it over night and see what the morning brings.

Tomorrow I have my wrap up session with my current therapist. That should be fun (not!). I'm also going to have to call Monday's T and let her know that I won't be seeing her. I hate having to do that.

So, that's where things stand right now. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have Susan be my new therapist and I'll join the DBT group. I think this might work for me.

And the saga continues...