(trigger icon b/c posting numbers)
I talked to my T yesterday about my lack of eating....I mean really talked to him about it. ....I really pushed him to see that it has become a real, real problem for me. He thought it was just a symptom of depression....that I had no appetite and was too depressed to eat. That's how it started, but I explained what it has turned into -- how I don't eat even when I'm hungry, I feel guilty when I eat, I hate how I feel after I eat, etc etc......

Unfortunately we didnt really get to talk about this until the end of the session and we didn't have much time to talk about it. But he told me I had to go see my medical doctor anyway because anorexia was a medical diagnosis. ??? This confused me and I didn't really understand what he meant until this morning when I realized that he must be talking about having to be at a certain % below your ideal weight to be diagnosed anorexic.

He made me promise to schedule a dr appt, and I did, and it is tomorrow, and I feel like it is a test, like my weight should be as low as possible to do well on the test. That sounds so crazy. This morning I weighed 104 (I am 5'5") and I don't know if that is low enough. Part of me wants to wait so I could get below 100 and REALLY do well on the "test"........but I know I just need someone to help me stop all of this now.

I really don't care if I am officially diagnosed with anorexia....I can't keep this up and I can't stop on my own. I just need someone to help me. Im scared they won't help me if my weight is not low enough, and I don't want to lose anymore......I just need to get someone to help me......I can't ignore it anymore.

Does anyone out there understand me right now???????

ktgirl