(((((((((free1)))))))) That sounds tough. I'm so sorry you are struggling with it. I tend to do better in person than on the phone because I can read the body language and feel safer that way. I still dissociate to a big degree though.

As I became more aware that I was dissociating, it was kind of scary for me and upsetting. It does get better though. I still don't like that it happens and I don't like that I miss so much, but I keep hoping as I gain more awareness and acceptance, that will get better. T said awareness is the first step to change. She said that acceptance can bring some peace and so I'm working toward that as well.

One thing that T said that really helped me was that my brain was doing this well before I knew what was going on and knowing doesn't change that. She said the fact is that my brain has learned a way to deal with things and while it may not feel like it will be ok, it will. Dissociating interrupts my life now but there was a time that it saved my life.

The screaming and crying is upsetting for sure. I am finding the louder it gets, the more I dissociate- I guess because that part of my brain is triggered. When you hear that, can you do some self talk to let inside know everything is okay? Maybe you can carry something comforting in your hand or your pocket for comfort?

I hope things calm down for you. Please keep us posted.