it kills me
they said i could stay in hosp. an get painkillers or they could maybe give them to my gf to give to me but i refused
it's my fault i hurt myself this bad so i have to deal with the consequences without numbing
i don't think i can even say anything else
if i say it in depression people will get mad and delete
i can't think well to express it in creative corner
it would be a waste of time to sit in support to find someone to talk to
i can't even talk irl

the pain kills me so bad
i was typing to a good friend earlier on IM then stopped for a bit
and i realized how much it kills my hand to type
and it's so stupid that even though i'm apparently lucky to be alive
and that this is killing me
the only thing i can thiknk of is finishing the job and self-injuring again
not that i can, i'm being watched 24/7 and i don't have the strength to get out of bed
all the scars i've left myself with from what i did, i look awful
although i'm killing my hand by typing right now
but i don't want to stop typing, i don't want to be alone because i can't talk
can't say more, don't want to offend
or have this deleted
just it kills me so bad, it's killing me that it hurts to breate, to type, to think, to keep my eyes open, to nod my head

idk i should probly still be in hospital but i hate it there and they can't make me stay