I have to add this. I've been thinking about the ex inlaws a lot lately, and feeling like I was too sensitive and that I was at fault, even thinking I should write to them and tell them my feelings about this. I told my daughter this today, and her reply was very insightful and interesting. She said that the one time her father-in-law had said something not nice to her, that her husband had quickly put him in his place, supporting her. My ex never did that, never. It was always my imagination, or my fault, and she acknowledged this, saying her dad should have been more supportive of me.
I've never tried to taint my daughter's opinion of the inlaws, her grandmother and aunt. She sees them for how they really are!
Patty