[long / poss. trig]

you think people trust you
and that you trust them

they say they understand
that they'll be there for you
they say they miss you when you're gone
and to never hesitate to talk to them
because they're "there for you"

"there for you"
no one is ever "there for you"
it's convenient that it can be offered
but never given

did i do something wrong
is that why they all hurt me
because i'm stupid and ugly
worthless and scared
still the kid with no friends
the kid in the corner with the cuts and bruises
with the painful voice and looking down
while everyone else looks away
because no one wants to help him

is that still me
because i'm pretty %#@&#! sure it is
i'd say i'm unappreciated but that would imply i should be appreciated

can i say i wish i hadn't made it
that i hadn't bloody well screwed things up and i had died before the ambulance had come
they say "lucky to be alive"
don't feel bloody lucky

am i still mocked
does everyone snicker when i turn away
cheer when i'm gone
lie when they make a promise
roll there eyes when i say i'm not well
shake their fist when i blink
curse me when i can't hear

kick dirt in my face when i'm down
if i'm not down, then knock me down
because apparently
THAT'S ALL I'M BLOODY GOOD FOR

i've had it with being messed around with
with being lied to
putting my trust and being fing betrayed

so take a bow
you've killed me
sure, i'm alive, i'm in my bed writhing in pain
but inside
i'm so fing bloody dead

can i even swear?
can i say how fing much i hate myself?
how bad i'm haunted by what they did?

BECAUSE I'M STILL SILENCED
and i always will be
because i'm vince
and it's written into me that life will be this way