((((((((((((gothham))))))))))))) Welcome!

Do you know what kind of program they'd want you to be in? It can really help (I've heard) to have constant support if your SI is outside of your control, and it sounds like you've maybe reached that point?

Have you seen the list of things to do instead of SIng that's pinned in this forum? Give it a read, there are a lot of positive coping mechanisms there that maybe you've never tried.

Be safe, talk to your therapist and continue to post here.