Cedar,
I have to say that despite all that you are going through right now, it really seems that you've got a pretty good handle on it. You seem to be aware of your emotions, your needs, and the fact that you have to take care yourself . That is something to be applauded. Many years ago , my sister, who is 13 years older than me, said in regards to a stressful situation she was undergoing that "This, too shall pass." indeed she was right , and I remember that sometimes, especially as it pertains to my own situation.
Hang in there . I wish you the best.