I find it interesting to consider the reasons for sexualized transference. i guess i see it as a defense against intimacy, rather than an extension of intimacy. sexualizing an object (in a self-object sense of object) is a way of gaining power over it, holding it paradoxically closer and yet further away, trying the boundaries etc etc.

there has been some discussion of working through sexualized transference feelings. not so much on this thread... and i know other people don't necessarily agree with me... i do tend to think indulging the feelings (in imagination or in reality) is a way of defending against considering the reasons why one is feeling that way... but everyone needs to walk their own path and take things in their own pace...

i am disappointed in him that he didn't follow up on what you both had agreed on with respect to the self-harm, though. makes it that much more likely that you will violate similar contracts in the future... but then nobody is perfect... life is a learning curve for us all, methinks.