I feel the need to finally say to T, I am not here because I'm being made to come, I am here also because I enjoying working with YOU!...I see you, I see you the real T...I've spent many sessions peeking at you secretly, but now I feel secure enought to come down from the peeking and to meet you...I can accept you the real person...you are safe and realiable.....next week is our last sessions for 4weeks, which is the shortest summer break so far....normally its 5weeks but T offered to move my last session so I get both my sessions in the final week and not just one...I feel ready to begin to allow T to exist....it feels odd though...it feels like once I do this, there is no going back...once I've felt me and her and not just "we" as one object I can't go back....once I've taken the first step to independence there is no going back...even though the pull to be as one in the womb is always going to be there as it is for all humanbeings whether it be acted out by being part of a group, religeon or how ever...its a wierd feeling knowing that someone who cares enought like T also wants you to be able to experience this last as a fully intergrated humanbeing and I get that now...I alwys felt my growing up/away would signal a loss of something precious, ie, T's caring...but I know it doesn't mean that it means that I bring more of me to the relationship...it grows..it enriches the relationship... ..so on friday I'm gonna walk in to the room...and say hi, like I've only just met the real person for the first time..