Hey there, aren’t feelings a drag sometimes. You don't want to feel this way but you do. OK, you're smart enough to know that it is indeed about perspective. Not about the actual child and you and him. There are millions of step families that work so it isn't the situation it is the perspective. Here is how I look at it: When two people come together to build a life and one of them has a child, the most important thing is to pick the right person. Those two people need to come first to each other in order for the marriage to be strong. The children in the mix need to come first equally TO THE TWO OF THEM AS A UNIT. If the marriage comes first to the two of you you will have a strong base for the child to be raised in. Here's the catch, that child’s wellbeing needs to be as important to you as it is to him for you to be the right person for him. My advice is to fake it till you make it. It does sound a little like you are maybe; I mean this in the softest way possible, milking the attention from him for your issue about his kid. Maybe you'll get a lot more satisfaction and attention if you devote yourself to becoming the greatest step mom you can, loving, giving attention, time and care to the little girl. I know it is a temptation to wallow in your upset feelings because he is spending his time soothing you but you are smart enough to have said "If I keep this up I will lose him" You may be right. If you think I am right -try telling him. "I think I keep letting you know how I feel because I am insecure and want you to keep reassuring me that we come first so I may still need reassurance sometimes but I'm going to buck up and make loving her a priority and that way I can be part of the "us" that puts her first. I don't know you so I may be totally wrong but it is just another perspective to wade through..