I am starting treatment at an eating disorders facility in Manhattan on Monday. I am scared to death. When I realized a few weeks ago I would be going, I wanted to be as low as possible so that when I gained 10 lbs it would show I was willing to gain and I would be "better". But now I am scared that I really went too low. I feel horrible, I am getting a tightening in my chest, not quite pain and I am lightheaded. By 8 pm I am completely shot. I was stepping on my
step machine every night for an hour, sometime longer and now I am lucky if I can do 30 to 45 minutes. I know I am in bad shape and I want help to fix how messed up my head is and I want to feel better physically but I am petrified about how much weight they are going to make me gain and how much I will have to eat.
I feel like I have lost my mind because I still want to lose weight before Monday comes and I still think I am fat.