....and i am out of coping methods. I have used 3 so far; 1 good, 2 really not so good. I did do yoga on my own today. my fave yoga instructor gave me copies of our yoga cds and since we had a sub i don't like today, i finally did the practice on my own - which did make me feel good. and then i turned right around and used a poor coping method even while doing an ongoing art project (aka good coping method #1). Time seems to be going slower ... and i am asking myself once again, how am i going to get through this? and why do i struggle so much? I don't understand. Furthermore, how am I going to get through August with her gone every other week?!?

What is it that makes the week WORSE when T is gone? And instead of being "just a session" missing, EVERY DAY is counted from the last session to the one 2 weeks away. I don't feel that it is "attachment" like "oh god I can't live without you" feeling.... but I can't put my finger on it.

Or maybe I can get close.... the Kiya that exists when T is around and i can see and call and see her stupid car in the clinic lot when I am there for all the other things, or hear her voice while I am in yoga and see her collect her next victim - uh patient... that Kiya dissapears as soon as T "leaves on vacation/training". Like the last session I see her. Kiya - that Kiya - leaves too. So it isn't that I need to hang on to T, maybe..., but that I need to hang on to the me that copes ok when T is around? I think i just confused myself....