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This is what I think I appreciate most about our relationship (can I use the word friendship?). That we can and have come back to the table and reconciled our misunderstandings and different opinions. Thank you

Shortly after I posted, I came to the same realization as you. I wanted to edit my post, but just 15 minutes later I recieved the message that the alotted time to edit had passed. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.

I'm referring to your insight that we both feel invalidated. I'd like to correct that now.

My step-mother was a very invalidating, oppresive and domneering person. Of all the people in my life I might apply the word hate to, she is first on the list. At times, other people do remind me of her, almost always women, and that's when my wounded inner child is triggered. It has'nt happened in quite some time and I thought I'd outgrown it, but I think it's possible you may have triggered it. (Oh great, more stuff to work on!)

Tomi, I know you meant well. AND (another way not to start a sentence) I let my reaction overrule my awareness of your issues. In short, my issues became more important in the moment. Believe me, the post you responded angrily to (and I understand why) was the G-rated version. I left many things out of it because I didn't want to offend you, and that was the mildest I could come up with in the moment.

Here is what I heard in the post you sent that I was upset because of:

"Darrel, you ignorant little idiot. When you become as seasoned as I am about depression, then you may know a thing or two. Re-read Rapunzels post and see if you can find the wisdom I already know everything about. Who do you think you are that you could write a book like I am already doing? You still have a lot to learn sonny boy. "

My reaction was of astoundment. I didn't know where this was coming from and yes, I was irritated as hell by it. I actually became proud, for one sick moment, that I could say "Lady, I have 25 years experience with depression, who do you think you're talking to? I've read the same books you have, I've spent the same countless hours searching and asking myself questions, at times on my knees begging God to just help me, lost family, friends, money, opportunites I'm not even aware of, and I'm still a survivor!" I was offended I think most of all, that I felt and still do, that I've found a lifeline out of my hole, and I believe in it strongly, and for someone who almost lost ability to believe anything anymore, to have this belief, this strong and it feels so right, to have someone shoot it, and me down, with a few words of "I don't think you're ready" realy ticked me off. I wanted to remind you once more that YOU should re-read my post that I'd said I wasn't ready to be a teacher or write a book, but that is my goal.

There, I've got that out of my system. I don't want to hurt you Tomi, you're helping me in profound ways. I don't want you to take what I've just said to heart. It was about ME.

I apologize sincerely that I triggered your wounded inner child.. sincerely, I didn't want to and I felt no pleasure in it. I hope you're not hurting too much and I especially hoipe you have the strength to come back and continue this process.

I know I've crossed some very touchy lines. What I've said is how I felt last night, not today. Not after reading your last post. Yes, we both need validation, I'd like to meet you there.

Iwas not angry with you for screaming at me today. I touched a nerve, and I am sorry. Growth thru pain? I feel like such a selfish *** now. Putting you thru hell to exorcize my demons is not my intention. Are we still getting what we came here for? I hope you're ok Tomi, I really, really do.

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"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius