Thanks again to those who gave their advice and opinions.

We have kept in contact. And he does say when he gets a day off that I have a free who would like to come up and see me again. His PTSD is from (well no way of proving this of course: one way or another; but, so he says that he was over in Iraq and saw his bestfriend get shot and his g/f at the time told him it was his fault).

He said he didn't have a problem with me having these mental health issues and seems sincere about this I think; because of this, and when his g/f told him that and he came back he became so depressed to the point where he tried to commit suicide (I will leave out the details; but he told me, and it was not pretty).

I don't feel that I should defend him or I. Just, I think I would like to explore options apparently and I think I have become more open(sexually; I guess I see this as safer than other options for one)..

Whether or not everyone agree's or not, I doubt it; but, I feel comfotable and feel that at this stage I'm as ready as I'm going to be and that's good enough for me, honestly. I don't know how else to know. Talking to others about their experiences with rape does not thrill me in particular. I can talk about it: yes; I prefer not to because it doesn't make it go away: and I can't change that unfortunately. I like helping others; but, don't want to hear the details of some horrific rape verbatim and every single paly-by-play if you understand what I'm trying to say. For example: I do not deal well with violence because I have an extremely vivid imagination. And not wish harm on another creature ever. I'm sure I'll think of more to add later...